I Want to See You

@Follow Your Heart without Breaking the Rules: Don't send me messages with the words "Happy Holidays" today. No matter which holiday it is, I won't reply. I'm busy, that's all.

Everything that happened tonight originated from the status he pinned on his social media account.

Although the tone was unkind, it was true. When Kazama finally finished a day of work and collapsed on the bed, he opened his phone and saw the comments section was boiling.

He noticed that the commenters included both his acquaintances and his students. He casually glanced at the comment with the highest number of likes and saw the following:

@Is Hōgyokuhokkushū Lost Today? : There is no need to emphasize this kind of word. Why do we have to deceive ourselves and others by saying that something does not exist? The young master's temper is indeed hypocritical.[p.s 豊玉発句集「ほうぎょくほっくしゅう」]

Very good, I will remember you.

One day, you will pay the price for your outspokenness today.

Kazama sneered and made another note in the little notebook in his heart, continuing to scroll down the page.

@The Last Samurai 1868: Asshole, change this abominable nickname for me!

@Scarf Enthusiast replied to @Is Hōgyokuhokkushū Lost Today?: You're taking the joke too far, Souji. You'll embarrass Hijikata-san by doing this.

@Father, Husband: No way? Apart from the unlucky guy like Kazama, who has almost no luck with women, is there anyone who doesn’t know about Mr. Hijikata’s masterpiece? [/doge]

@Love&Peace: Please forgive me for being so rude, but please do not underestimate our intelligence gathering capabilities. We are well trained and we are professionals in this area. Especially Kazama, he should have a special say.

@❌Mai Shiranui, ✅Kyo Shiranui: If anyone knows how he pursues his girlfriend, haha... I will continue if someone urges me to update.

@I'm just a little transparent person who loves to draw replied to @❌Mai Shiranui, ✅Kyo Shiranui: Big bro, please update (1/∞)

…

Kazama exited the page expressionlessly. With the good self-control he had acquired through years of practice, he managed to resist the urge to add them to his blacklist one by one.

Just then, the phone vibrated twice, and two text messages came.

One wished him a happy Teachers' Day, and the other wished him a happy Mid-Autumn Festival.

Which fool is so blind as to step into his own minefield?

He suppressed the urge to curse, took a closer look at the sender's nickname, and had to swallow back the anger that was about to explode.

There's nothing I can do. She's my dear wife.

However, his temperament would never allow him to lose to others in momentum.

So he opened the dialog box and said in a teasing tone:

"Are you being spoiled and arrogant? Do you think I won't be able to bear to scold you?"

It didn't take long for Yukimura's response to come:

"I gave you holiday greetings with good intentions, but you turned around and wanted to be mean to me. Isn't it time to reflect on your own inhumanity?"

There is also a laughing emoji at the end.

Kazama laughed and said:

"Since you are so confident, come and confront me face to face."

The other party replied without thinking:

"I won't fall for your trick. Who knows what you are thinking? I hate you..."

The message was quickly withdrawn within less than half a minute of being sent.

The text, which was originally nothing special, became very suggestive because of her unusual behavior.

If there was something that she was embarrassed to say directly, he vaguely guessed a possibility. At that time, they had just confirmed their relationship, and they were both hot-blooded and impulsive. They often rolled into a ball over a disagreement, and the simple verbal dispute turned into a close and in-depth interaction.

Perhaps it was because he had been suppressed for too long, ever since the thin layer of window paper between them was completely broken, his demands for her body had become more and more fierce and excessive, as if he wanted to get back all the time he had spent waiting alone and silently, with interest.

Not long ago, the night before she left for school, under his carefully planned coaxing and seduction, they once again entangled and rubbed each other like they often did in that long summer. Knowing that she didn't have the pressure of getting up early in the morning to catch the bus, he was reckless and worked hard to toss her over and over again, repeatedly conquering her softest insides, forcing her to let out one gasp and moan louder than the other with tears in her eyes.

After that, she didn't take the initiative to contact him for several days, as if she was embarrassed to speak up, or secretly angry, or even resentful of his half-hearted refusal. No matter how smart he was, he couldn't guess the complex knot in a girl's heart.

Come to think of it, I didn’t see her in the comment section just now.

The big drama in his mind was over before Yukimura's explanation came belatedly:

"Sorry, I made a typo just now!"

"It's unbelievable that this old man who usually doesn't even want to use the phone or video chat would actually take the initiative to ask for a face-to-face chat. I was so shocked that I said the wrong thing because my hands were shaking."

As if she was afraid that he wouldn't believe her, she added several of her usual laughing expressions, as if trying to ease the awkward atmosphere.

This cover-up is really a poor one.

He laughed unconsciously and reminded her maliciously:

"Don't pretend, I saw everything you retracted."

After the message was sent, the other party remained silent for a long time.

He knew exactly how she might react at this moment and could even clearly imagine the slightly puffed-up expression on that little pink face.

Therefore, he added a few more words in a good mood:

"I'll forgive you for being embarrassed to see me. Anyway, you have to pay me back for what you owe me."

"Also, the part about me not wanting to use the phone was completely unnecessary. I just felt bad for your pitiful amount of phone bill. Without my help, you would have spent all your money long ago."

"No way! Please stop talking to yourself! I can make money and save it myself, so I don't need to be supported by you!"

After he finished speaking, she retorted angrily and then sent an emoticon of a four - or five-year-old girl jumping around madly, her resentment and grievance almost overflowing the screen.

This response was completely within his expectations.

If it weren't for the screen blocking them, he would not be able to hold back and would hug her tightly and kiss that stubborn mouth.

He really knew her too well. Four years of seeing each other day and night and sharing the joys and sorrows were enough for them to understand each other's character and temper. For him, the angry and complaining look and the chattering soft words had no deterrent effect. As long as she didn't make up her mind to go into a cold war with him, he would always have the opportunity to find her weakness and make her lose her composure but suffer in silence. The more cute and naive her reaction was, the more stubborn she was, the more he was shaken and couldn't help wanting to bully her more.

But now is not the time.

He knew he couldn't push her too hard. His lover was still young and immature in this area, so he could only take things slowly within the limits of what she could bear. After all, he had plenty of time, patience, and confidence to train this good seedling.

So he gave in a step and changed the subject first:

"When will you be back?"

Her attitude also softened, and she said seriously:

"I'm busy studying and working, so I don't have time."

"No time? You update your vlog quite frequently."

"You don't even allow this kind of leisure way of recording life? I'm not that pedantic. Don't apply the same approach you use to manage evening self-study to me."

He naturally responded to her with a dog head expression but then fell into a brief silence.

In fact, his current job is a low-level teacher that students hate to talk about. He has little authority but a lot of things to do. Endless meetings and endless materials to write have already eaten up the little free time he has, and the negative comments from students and the director's conversations have made his already bad mood even worse.

Only when he stood on the podium immersed his mind again in the theories and cases he had memorized, and felt the eyes focused on him, did he truly belong to himself.

The cheerful voice of the little girl on the other side continued:

"But if you can keep giving me likes every time like you do now, I will let bygones be bygones."

He immediately raised his eyebrows and snorted:

"You're overthinking. I'm not a counselor. It's not my turn to manage those little brats. They won't listen to me anyway. Cherish the comfortable life now. It won't be so comfortable when you have too much homework in a while."

"Chikage."

She suddenly called his name seriously.

The familiar and affectionate name happened to appear at this moment, causing his nerves to tense up again.

Is she just being sensitive, or are her emotions too obvious?

He had intended to retract his words, but it was obviously too late, so he could only smile helplessly and give up, thinking that her attention had been paid to his rare inappropriate remarks.

What would she say?

Over the years, he was used to taking all the pressure on himself, hiding his soft emotions properly, not wanting others to notice. He asked himself, it has been a long time since he felt this kind of feeling of being completely seen through."

What's more, that person was her.

Perhaps it was because the days with her were too sweet, and he unknowingly numbed his nerves and smoothed his claws in the gentle land. Now, he and she are separated and working hard separately. In the days without her, loneliness has become unbearable, as if the sincerity and efforts he has put into his work are meaningless.

Rather than saying that he is a demon, it would be better to say that he is more like a human being now.

He sighed, re-edited the message in the input box, and advised her not to think too much and to go to bed early.

The message fell into oblivion after it was sent.

Her portrait was still quietly lit, like a lighthouse above the vast dark sea, staring at him who was lost in the ocean with silent and sad eyes.

In the few minutes when she had no news, he had an absurd illusion that the days were like years. He missed her more crazily than ever before, as if once the network cable was cut, he and her would completely lose contact in the crowd.

I am really going backward the more I live.

Under normal circumstances, he would never allow such a futile and fragile emotion to spread.

He decisively locked the screen and lay alone in the pitch-black night. His tired soul gradually separated from his heavy body and floated lightly in this watery autumn night. Looking out the window, he could see nothing except the bright full moon in the deep blue sky.

Just when he was about to close his eyes, the notification sound of incoming messages woke him up again. On the screen that lit up again, the status bar under her nickname had changed to "The other party is typing."

• Wait for me.

Just a few simple syllables made his heart, which had been chilled by the night, stir again. He knew that she was only referring to the time to input the text, but he still had more associations and expectations. Through this short line of text, he seemed to see the slender and introverted girl with the fragrance of the northern vermilion plum, walking towards him gracefully, passing through his lows and highs, and upgrading from a student who asked for advice, a close girlfriend to a lingering lover, and a bride to be married.

Their lives were still long, there were too many topics to discuss, too many dreams to realize. It was time for him to stop and wait for her, not only because he had been walking alone on this road for a long time, but also because he had always believed in one thing:

She was someone worth waiting for.

The prompt sounded at this moment, and he saw Xuecun's new message.

"...Please have more confidence in yourself! Although they may not admit it, there are still many children who will be subtly influenced by their teachers, just like I learned from you back then."

Looking at the screen full of text and expressions, he finally realized the weight of her words that had asked him to wait patiently.

"I know. I was just grumbling for a while."

He smiled and added:

"I've figured it out. No matter how hard I try, it's hard to satisfy everyone or make everyone like me. What I need to do now is to complete my job well, teach the lessons I should teach, and speak the words I should speak. Do what I should do and help those who are destined to be with me."

She was silent for a while, then she said:

"You are really... It's rare to see you speak your true thoughts. It seems that you are much more frank than before."

"What are you talking about? Haven't I been honest before?"

"Isn't that so? You're too embarrassed to even express your desire to do that openly, and you have to use such a roundabout way... Don't do that next time."

"I'm just taking care of your pitiful sense of shame. With your dull personality, it's impossible for you to take the initiative to be enthusiastic. In this case, why don't I take on the responsibility of making my wife happy..."

"Stop being so narcissistic. You can't even touch me if I don't want you to."

Their conversation tonight ended with the usual banter. After her profile picture dimmed, he suddenly remembered something, so he opened her homepage, scrolled down along the timeline, and finally locked onto a certain dynamic.

@Chizuru Must Work Hard to Become Stronger: If he has the chance to see this sentence, then I want to say to him: Please wait for me. I want to see you. I want to catch up with you, and I really want to keep following you.

The release date was exactly many years ago today.

——You did it.

He gazed at the childish words she had left behind when she was a girl and silently smiled with emotion and relief.

In her comment section, he was just a passer-by who left no words but offered a sincere heart. Many commentators speculated who the "he" in the article was referring to but failed to get a clear answer. Only she and he looked at each other, and they smiled at each other with tacit understanding.

Under the onslaught of numerous IDs, his account nickname disappeared in an instant.

even so.

He thought silently:

You must believe that my heart must be the brightest, biggest, and most sincere one among them.

 

※Kazama’s nickname comes from The Analects of Confucius: On Government.

Confucius said: "At fifteen I set my mind on learning, at thirty I stood firm, at forty I had no doubts, at fifty I knew the will of Heaven, at sixty I was able to listen to others, at seventy I followed my heart's desire without transgressing the rules."